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My Favorite News Stories

These are actual headlines and news stories from my local paper or other papers. Each has caught my eye for some reason. Often, I'm not sure why.

Headlines Only

Coconut Milk Pulled From Shelves Over Forced Monkey Labor

China Cracks Down on Strippers at Funerals

Oldest Man in Australia Knits Sweaters for Injured Penguins

Therapy Kangaroo Kicked Out Of McDonald’s

Official Arrested in South Korean Nut Rage Probe

Fire kills "really good person"

Couple with "butt doctor" practice arrested

City Says Yes to Ice Cream, No to Heroin

Kid Rock subpoenaed to produce glass sex toy in Insane Clown Posse trial

Vets racing to treat hurt rhinos

Man's Death After Eating Roaches Raises Questions

Court Postpones Pussy Riot hearing

Man critical after being shot in Minneapolis

Canadian Body Parts Suspect Arrested

Girls' Schools still offering 'something special' — head

Severed Leg Points to Murder of Woman

Gym Expels Members for Grunting

Alligator Caught Up in Alleged Drug Dispute

Drunk Serbian man kills hammer-head shark with his butt

DNR asks hunters not to shoot themselves

Add-on ramps up zombie attacks

Complex Women Prefer Bonobos

Dubuque allure is well-kept secret

Police: Crack found in man's buttocks

Stamkos Lifts Bolts To Win Over Florida

Minnesota Goes Wild All Over Stamkos, Bolts

Woman whose diamond ring vanished while she made fudge for bake sale turns up inside piece of the candy she sold

Boy's memory swims on in donated shark

Burlington Coat Factory Recalls Slow Cookers Due to Fire Hazard

Student suspended over hot sauce

Minorities in short supply

Skydiver lands on beer vendor at women's coleslaw wrestling event

Reach out to abuse victims, leader tells U.S. bishops

Study says casinos create 10,000-hand job jackpot

Smoking organ causes stir at nursing home

Religious heads bound for China

Turkey closes 76 casinos

Favorite dwarfs draw for posts

Master debaters reach climax

Condom World: 9,000 square feet of protection

Vomiting etiquette: Avoid splashing others

Full News Stories

I've deleted some less-interesting sections, but otherwise, these are just as they appeared in the newspaper.

State: Killer's hiring an error

Florida health officials said Tuesday an error led the state to grant a certified nursing assistant license to a veterans hospital employee once imprisoned for cutting a man's throat. ... [On his application he] disclosed having once been charged with a crime. ... health officials say they erred by not getting details. Department employees also erred by failing to notice in a criminal background check a notation that [he] had been charged with murder, a department spokeswoman said.

Ely DI team can be seen in online netcast

The local team is competing in the world championships of a creativity and problem solving competition -- the Destination ImagiNation Global Finals -- at Knoxville, Tenn. . . .

DI teams compete based on their performance in various challenges. Themes involve the exploration of technical and mechanical engineering, theater arts, science, fine arts, structural and architectural design and improvisation.

This year, the DInamytes were involved in the challenge, "Back at You," which involves creating a delivery device and receiver that repeatedly sends balls back and forth, and also involves a story about something that goes away and comes back.

The group also put together a skit -- about something that goes away and comes back -- revolving around telemarketers.

Mishap injures 31 at stadium

An escalator packed with Cub Scouts leaving the Kansas City-Texas baseball game Saturday went out of control and injured 31 persons. Six persons were hospitalized.

A 12-year-old boy from Overland Park, Kan., was carried away on a stretcher with the imprint of the escalator on his forehead, according to witnesses.

Man flees attacker, falls 50 feet into bear cage

Belgrade Yugoslavia - While fleeing a woman who attacked him in a restaurant, a diner fell 50 feet down a cliff and landed in a cage full of hungry brown bears...

Doctors said the man's life was still in danger as a result of a mauling by three bears.

Spasoje Vitas, 26, a Belgrade shop assistant, was dining at the cliffside restaurant overlooking a zoo Friday evening, the paper said.

During an argument, a woman diner pulled a pair of scissors from her handbag and attacked Vitas, who jumped over the restaurant fence to escape.

The only thing on the other side was a 50-foot drop into the pitch-dark bear cage. Vitas landed on a back of one of the animals, the paper added, and for the next 30 minutes was mauled by the bears, which had been awaiting food the restaurant guests toss to them every night.

The paper reported that the woman who caused the trouble was sentenced to 15 days in jail for creating a disturbance and for vagrancy. She told the judge she was drunk.

Man jailed for sending laundry out

A Hurley, Wis., man is facing a four-year prison sentence today because he sent his dirty laundry to Duluth.

James V-, 45, was sentenced here Thursday...for using an interstate commerce facility for purposes related to prostitution.

[V- was] indicted by a grand jury last November for allegedly sending the towels and linens of prostitutes across a state line to a laundry service in Duluth.

Heston's taped reading of Nietzsche helps UW team find vascular problem in dental assistant's defective brain

Madison, Wis.-- Margaret Rowley's brain has a vascular defect that could erupt into a catastrophic stroke at any time. It must be surgically removed.

But not until after she listened to a tape of Charlton Heston discussing the philosophy of the 19th-century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

Miss Vacant Lot's title may be firmly grounded

Sponsors of the third first annual International Armadillo Confab and Exposition said Sunday that the current Miss Vacant Lot of the World may inherit the title for life unless someone worthy shows up to claim it.

"Nobody showed up Friday and only three showed up Saturday," said Fred Armstrong, chairman of the event.

The three Saturday were not considered worthy of the crown won last year by Cindy Hudler, a 21-year-old college student who won the title by waltzing around a vacant lot in an armadillo suit. The ceremony was postponed until yesterday and Miss Hudler was told she was it again if no one challenged her.

Retired colonel now faces shoplifting count

Troubles have been mounting for Stuart B-, 75 of Shalimar, Fla, a widower of six months, ever since he was trussed up and pistol whipped in his St. Paul motel room on June 25.

He is charged with stealing a dress and a belt from the Sears Roebuck store at 425 Rice St. on June 30, the day he sought a court waiver to marry 18-year-old Jodell M-, once convicted on a prostitution charge.

He was turned down by the court which wants to have him in St. Paul to testify against Gerald C, who is charged with aggravated assault in the beating of B-.

Meanwhile, St. Paul police are investigating an accident B- had last month with a vehicle driven by a St. Paul woman while he was driving a rented automobile.

Minneapolis police have received complaints that some of B-'s checks have been returned from a Florida bank marked "non-sufficient funds."

The colonel said in court yesterday he would defend himself against the shoplifting charge when he is tried Wednesday, the day he is to testify against C-.

Police Report

North Oaks

It was a fool's errand, but apparently he was the man for the job. A man who appeared to be in his 60s met a North Oaks woman in her early 20s through an online dating service the afternoon of Aug. 7 and was invited over to her place. At that point the woman said the man asked if she would mind trying on some outfits he had brought along. He inappropriately touched her, exposed himself, and even asked her if he could brush her hair. All of that sent the victim, who had a .32 BAC, running up to the roof where she promptly fell off, suffering minor injuries. Deputies were called, the man left and an investigation continues.

Man charged in daughter's death, lewdness with teen

Authorities say a Florida Panhandle man was having an affair with the 13-year-old girl who accidentally backed over his 6-year-old daughter with a truck.

Actual Advertisement:

Full time emotionally disturbed teacher, beginning 1997-98 school year. Must be Wisconsin certifiable.


Keeping fleas alive is extremely problematic

War is difficult for everyone involved

Huey "Bubba" Anderson III placed the hopes of Fat Boy's Bar-B-Q on the return of the nearby Crystal River Nuclear plant.


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  —  Bob Ray